October 16th, 2010
I've been up till 3 am rehearsing a mock audition scene all week. Kerri Alexander is my partner and we don't have time to rehearse except for after both the shows are done at night. So, by the time we meet up and start working, its like 12:30, 1, and then I crash at like 3 am and get up at 7. Too many days in a row haah. We just had a back to back 2 show day where we had 1 hour between shows and I'm exhausted.
Nate, Sarah, and Cory were here this weekend and when I got home tonight, they had left me a note on the brown paper that is taped up all over my room saying how proud of me they are and how much they missed me and I just started crying when I saw it.
I've been really trying to let myself experience my emotions when they come along instead of just pushing them back for the sake of it. So I just stared at it and said to myself, "I miss you too, and thank you so much for coming to see me." and cried for a little bit. I looked around at my room, full of Solo Mio work generation, realized why I was so tired (because I've been working my ass off on this scene all week and because I just did a two show day at one of the Mainstay regional theaters in the States) and just said, "I love my friends. And I love my life. This is my life."
We auditioned for Christmas Carol 2 days ago and I was one of the 2 or 3 guys to get called back for Young Scrooge and I nailed the audition. I mean when I walked out of that room I wanted to do a jumping, praying mantis kick because I felt so damn good about it. So, we haven't heard anything yet, but If I don't get it, it will be alright, because it wont be because I didn't show them I could do it.
I don't ever want to leave an audition without that feeling, because it's ultimately freeing.
Will's brother Charlie is coming into town for the week and I can't wait to meet him, because if he's even 1/3 as wonderful as Will, Its gona get crazy great around this apartment complex.
My dad and I were talking the other day and he said that he and mom decided that this apprenticeship is just an extension of college, with all the partying and learning you could handle in 9 months. I think thats pretty accurate. It's like being back at college, but its more than that. And maybe its just where I am in this part of my life, but I'm going to be different when I walk out of here. Not just in theater, not just my career, but this place, these people, this atmosphere is changing me and changing how I look at things. Like, saying its ok, and lovely to cry when you feel it coming on. And realizing if you want something, all you have to do is start doing it - Life is at my fingertips.
Life, is at all of our fingertips.
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